He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
