hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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