You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
