Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
