My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
