So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So many bounce houses so little time
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
