I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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