I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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