Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
