defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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