i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
