Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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