Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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