Im at strip club and am horny
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
