I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm really busy with my period
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