I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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