is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
bring money and cleavage
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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