Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
