Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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