I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize