Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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