"it" just moved
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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