And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
