Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
