My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
