get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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