Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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