You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
