yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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