Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
