Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
