Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
