I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
