We won't sleep together?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
its liver damage thursday
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