My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
