Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
