DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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