Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
