He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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