A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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