You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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