george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What a dumb baby whore.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
