he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
