non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
