Your tits are I can't wait for
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
