my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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