i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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