erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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