I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
