So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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