grandma shit on top of the toilet
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
