I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
