I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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