what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
