My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
