the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize