Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
