I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
