"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it's like iHOP with fire
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
