I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
