sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize