Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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