So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize