hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
