Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
