I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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