Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
